You don't develop courage by being happy...

“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”

So says the quote attributed to the Greek Philosopher Epicurus and it is true. For many of us we don't have courage especially when it comes to our relationships. We let people that claim to love us abuse us emotionally and at times physically. We make excuses for them, blame or own behavior or jokingly talk about needing to find the best testosterone boosters out there to somehow make us more courageous.

I used to be an emotional doormat, going out of my way to give, and give and give some more even when nothing was given in return. It's a hard cycle to break and it may end up making some relationships no longer possible. It was easier for me to give in, but the damage I did to myself in constantly folding was worse than what I've gone through in cutting off friends and family members who are not willing to accept that relationships need to be based on mutual respect and realistic expectations of what a person can give.

Life is a river flowing back to the Sea

I realize the title may make some of you think of the Alan Parsons Project song, Time but there's a deeper purpose to this post. A friend called me tonight because her best friend died. I'd been avoiding thinking of death since the anniversary of my father's death was last week. That date is embedded in my heart and soul, yet now it seems few remember so it's something I share alone. Which is okay, the reality is losing someone you love whether it is a friend or a relative is really a private thing. Words can never properly express what that person meant to you and while people try to give you platitudes which may be very sincere, that does not make the pain go away. Time does make it fade.

Which then got me thinking again about life and death in general. I came across this site, The NDE and Pre-Birth: Kevin Williams' research conclusions and some of the material written there is rather profound. Especially this:

If our experience as a human is analogous to a journey down a river, then our experience as a spirit is analogous to the entire water cycle. Each of us is like a raindrop which fell from a cloud and ultimately entered into a river for the journey back from where it came - the sea. Then the cycle is repeated.

In the same way that a drop of water is a part of the sea and contains within itself the nature of the sea itself, so our spirit is a part of God containing within it the Whole of God itself. This concept of a something being both a part and the Whole is called in science terminology a fractal.

By becoming a droplet in the water cycle, we can experience wonderful adventures which ultimately help us to understand ourselves and the sea even more. Which river of life we choose to travel down is up to us. Once we begin the journey, we are partly at the mercy of the river and the course it takes us. How we chose to flow down the river is our decision.

This river which represents the course of our life that leads us back to God is an archetype that is familiar to us. Perhaps this is one of the reasons we feel drawn to rivers and why we regarded them as sacred. In ancient cultures, religions and even in near-death experiences, this archetype of life being a river appears. On the river, we are always moving forward from a source and toward an end. Life starts out as a small creek and grows into large river with rapids, forks, tributaries, rocks, and sometimes floods. Rivers have a history and are evolving. The river of life can take us to a variety of destinations on shore. There are many decisions and choices to make while traveling the river. Sometimes we have no choice at all but submit to the mercy of the river. At times we can relax and go with the flow. Other times we can shoot the rapids. We can row our boats gently down the stream. But if we just remain on the shore, we will never reach our destination and goal. Wisdom means knowing the best course of action to take as we travel down the river.

I strongly recommend those of you remaining on the shore, think about diving in, before your boat passes you by...

The Meaning of the Iowa Gay Marriage Decision

I recommend reading Time's The Meaning of the Iowa Gay Marriage Decision though I know some of you who read here are not in support of gay marriage.

I personally feel that the state should not be involved in marriage "the religious ceremony" at all, that should be something that couples do within whatever rules their particular religion dictates. That civil unions should exist if there is going to be a scenario where unions are recognized by the government and it should be open to both same and heterosexual couples for the legal and other civil benefits to a contractual union. That would eliminate all of the religious aspect to gay marriage and it would also ensure that there was a separation of church and state, since I have always found it ironic that government and religion meddle in each others affairs all too often.

Marriage would still exist for those that want it, you'd get a civil marriage license, then have your service performed by a minister, or whoever your state gave the power vested to perform the service. You could have as big or as small of a marriage ceremony as you wanted, or if you opted for none? You didn't have to, the act of purchasing your civil union certificate and taking a quick oath would be enough. Divorce would still exist, since there would need to be a process in place as in any form of contract law to dissolve a contract...

Yet, my way would create common sense, and eliminate the division that people have on this issue from a governmental standpoint. Instead? We will have many more court decisions where:

"This class of people asks a simple and direct question: How can a state premised on the constitutional principle of equal protection justify exclusion of a class of Iowans from civil marriage?" Justice Mark S. Cady asked.

The answer? It can't.

Happens...

Remembering elderly neighbors during the holidays...

When I lived in the township I had quite a few elderly neighbors that did not have close family near them. Our family ended up "adopting" a few, helping when we could and making sure that they were not only okay but so that they knew someone cared about them. I learned first hand the difficult decisions they had to make even when the economy was better for many than it is now. After we moved we still stayed in touch and unfortunately now the last one of our former friends passed away last year.

It's made me more sensitive about my neighbors even in our new area, especially in the type of society we seem to live in where few of us even know our neighbors, let alone look out for them. At holiday times we would make a small basket of homemade treats for our friends, it doesn't necessarily have to be expensive gift baskets though for some of you who don't bake that might actually be an easier option (smile). I have to admit though that the gift that always seems to be most appreciated is one of time. My children benefited from the relationships and the stories that were shared with them, and to me that's the best type of a giving moment, when you not only give something but get something equally valuable in return.

As promised...getting the baby ready to blog...

One of the reasons I've not been as busy on the blogs is because I have been spending more time with my family, especially my new granddaughter. I babysat tonight so my son and his wife could go out and have dinner and a movie. You can tell we had a great time...

The love song of Dennis Kucinich

Normally I'm not a huge fan of fluff pieces, but I do have to admit this one about the love story of Dennis & Elizabeth Kucinich. It's an interesting piece that is actually kind of heart warming. So, if you enjoy a good love story...you'll like this.

:-)

I'm a generous yet twisted soul...

What does the type of candy you give out at Halloween say about you is the topic of this Washington Post feature. Since I give out more than one type of candy, I've discovered if this is correct not only am I in the company of:

Generous souls. Those who understand the salty in life, as well as the sweet.

But...

Sickos. Truly demented. Plastic people living plastic lives.

What can I say...I love twizzlers...

:-)

Get a smooch and more...

Looking for a 100% free dating site with no hidden charges to be able to access certain features? Then you'll want to Click here to go to Smooch.com. It has all of the full features that you'd expect from a popular dating website such as the ability to upload photos, a "who's online" feature and the ability to chat in private. Where it is different though is Smooch doesn't promise a free profile only to have you later discover you have to pay a fee to actually be able to "meet" people interested in hooking up with you. When you join, it's very easy to see who's online from your state and if there are any members that meet the geographical area you have selected to search from. I created a test membership to fully review the site and it is very easy to join as well as to navigate the site.

Get some Geek Love...

Live in more of a world where it's not breast size but the size of your harddrive that matters? Does brain matter to you so much more than brawn to the point where the only perl you care about doesn't come from the sea? Then my dear tech friends looking for relationships might want to check out Geek 2 Geek - Geek dating. Something I found especially neat about the site is their Top 10 Reasons Why Geeks Make the Best Catch. Creating a profile is free, so for those looking to make a Geek connection? The person of your dreams could be within wireless range...

Nerds need love too...

I guess if I were single I would have to give myself a way as being slightly nerdy since I found this free dating site, "It's Just Coffee" to have some pretty fun and interesting sounding people. While I'm happily married so I'm not in the market for someone new, I can see where it would be a great place to meet and greet and maybe end up with the perfect soul mate. Some of the online dating places immediately come across as a combination of meat market/looking for sex scenarios. It's Just Coffee is not like that, it appears that the people that are there are looking for love, friendship and a good time with out the "I'm looking for a rich man/woman to take care of me" with the photos that make you wonder if that is really the person who's looking for love...